| | Recently I was accused of being a racist for using the word "Nigger", and using it angrily. There's some truth to that, I can't deny it. I can, however, deny that using a word puts me in a category that I deride. The simplistic accusation of "You're a racist," is along the same lines of being a racist. Racism, in my belief, is not being able to recognize nuance in the subject of race. Lumping a person into a degrading classification on the basis of their skin color and behavior is a snap judgment that proves a lack of lateral thought. I believe the same to be true of those who would accuse of me being a racist because of a reaction brought upon by anger.
I suppose I was short-handed in my spiel, tossing off vitriol and without addressing my internal confusion and repulsion by my own response. I've thought about this lately, having the classic double-sided conversation in my head intended to bring about an epiphany and perhaps clear up the struggle. Do I simply not like black culture? Do black people just offend me? The answer is more affirmative that I care to admit, and I'm deeply bothered by the fact. Not to take a simplistic, corporate media approach to the subject, but let me address rap music. I enjoy it. I enjoy all kinds of rap, be it intellectual or violent. I enjoy rap music that celebrates black liberation and strength, but I can also enjoy something like Fishscale, a romp through the ordeals of cocaine trafficking, with all the violence and misogyny that entails. So pinpointing the root of my racism is a difficult task.
I've said many times, a person's skin color does not dictate my attitude towards them. I do not hate a black person because they are black. If I hate someone, it is due to how they conduct themselves, and I will admit I take issue with the way a majority of the black population behave. I do not believe economics is the sole cause, though I grant it it's fair shake. I understand that poor people have a much higher rate of crime, violence, and possibly drug abuse to deal with, and that blacks make up a sizable chunk of the poor in this country. Lack of education is another symptom. These things, however, mix with a media portrait of black culture that prides such things as Fishscale.
There is little more nauseating then a young, middle class white kid pretending to be a gangsta. How depressing, that the worst qualities of black life have been magnified, glorified, and adopted by privileged crackers? I'm of the opinion that culture does not directly influence behavior, as in, violent video games do not make kids violent. Hip-hop culture does influence a lot of young whites, but for the most part only on the surface. Few young white men would give up the comforts of suburbia for a life in the ghetto. They have their cake and eat it too, and its become a norm to see white teenagers talk, walk, and dress like black men.
I see this as sad, and perhaps runoff of white guilt. However, its not my place to change it, nor would I if I had the power. I revel in the freedom to conduct myself as I see fit, and would not encroach on someone else's right to do the same. But I have my opinion. You do what you wish, but the inverse of that freedom is, I get to make fun of you for it.
I went through my own "I'm black" period as a child. I was obsessed with basketball, I wore basketball jerseys. The first album I bought of my own accord was one by Coolio. Strangely enough (and thanks in no small part to the ganj) I morphed one summer from thug to hippie. Sports and popular culture are dominated by the exploitation of black men. I'm not using exploitation in the pejorative sense, necessarily. The dark side of it all, it seems to me (and no pun intended) is that, beyond a particular black man's physical prowess, or skills as a rapper/storyteller, or ability to act, I feel like black people as a whole are given a credit card allowing them to act however they wish, as long the white man keeps finding it entertaining.
Terrence Howard is one of my favorite actors, and I discovered him when he played a pimp named D-Jay in Hustle and Flow. On the whole, this was a despicable character, a guy who used women for his own ends, beat them and tossed them out on the street. Beneath the surface, he was a tormented soul who wanted more from life, regardless of how he got it. He discovered a second chance through creation. These things in no way excused him, but that movie was not afraid to show the truth that so much "entertainment" fails or neglects to: real people are gold smeared with shit.
Nuance is a thing so often missing from the public conscious. If a black man is acting like a fool, he is called a nigger. If a white man is acting like a fool, he's generally just called a fool. A hispanic would be dubbed a spick, an asian a chink or gook, or whatever. And the list goes on. When Barack Obama gave his famous speech on race, I was floored. When I read the transcript, I was elated. Finally, someone in the public arena willing take on race like an adult (not to say he was the first, but in the subject of politics, it was refreshing). I read that speech over and over, and it was during that whole debate that I decided he was the one I was behind. I do not hide my faults from myself, and I do not run from the truth as I see it, regardless of how unpleasant it may be. I believe we may have a candidate who is of the same mind.
I realize now what I've been doing. The classic rant of "I can't be a racist because I like rap, or because I like black actors, or because I'm voting for a black candidate." I know that's what I'm doing, and I know to a lot it will ring hollow. I don't believe I'm free from prejudice because of these things, however. No one is free from prejudice. I'm as equally unabashed of my hatred for rednecks as I am for anger towards blacks. I accept I have a long road ahead of me in coming to terms, and hopefully eradicating, my racism. But I will not turn a blind eye to what I see as deficiencies in our national character. And I will not grant power to such a simple word as 'nigger.' I agree it is an ugly word, when used in anger. I don't justify it to myself. It is a simple reaction, and although I allow myself to believe I am of a higher calibre, it does not mean I am free from simplicity. Anyone who claims to be is perhaps simpler then most.
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| | Posted 5/27/2008 6:20 PM - 45 Views - 2 eProps - 1 Comment
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